The Story of Claus

Shayne Ward

2006-09-25T01:23:00.000+08:00

What can I say? This guy has the sexiest voice and the cutest face. I captured this image from his "No promises" music video. It's highly recommended!!! "Stand by Me", another song from him also sounds sweeter when it's coming out from his tongue...hehe

p/s: look at his eyes...sparkling like the puppy's ones. :oP

Will it really turn you on?

2006-09-20T23:49:00.000+08:00

What turns me on :

Find a guy, who calls you beautiful instead of hot.
Who calls you back when you hang up on him.
Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead.
Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.
Who holds your hand in front of his friends.
Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.
Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's him."

Read this from my god brother's blog. It's sarcastic that I've actually done all these things but still the men didn't appreciate it. Should I just be the one who waits?

Egypt Trip Day 1 - Part 2

2006-09-20T18:53:00.000+08:00

So here is the part 2 of day one when I was heading out for dinner.

Took this photo while I was on the bus. It was my first sight of piramids and this is my most satisfying photo taken in the whole Egypt trip. Click here if you want view the full image and put it as your wallpaper....hehe

This is the Egyptian child sitting beside the kiln with her mother. She has a pair of beautiful eyes, hasn't she?

We were having dinner under this magnificent Egytian tent restaurant.

Belly dancing is one of their most popular traditional dance. This woman was performing on the stage after our dinner.

As you can see she was actually dragging people behind to dance along with her to bring up the atmosphere.

This is another type of their traditional dance. I don't what it's called but the guy could keep turning around non-stop like a merry-go-round for more than 10 minutes and at the same time switching the style of the plates on his hands. It was a very amazing show.

Egypt Trip Day 1 - Part 1

2006-09-18T22:27:00.000+08:00

Went to Egypt last Thursday and came yesterday. It was a very short trip; 4 days 3 nights. For a person like me who has never even been the neighbourhood country like Singapore or Thailand, Egypt was the first country I've visited, it was a bit funny.

Was staying at the Cairo Mariott Hotel. Now I'm missing their feather pillows...so soft...

This garden was just outside my room's window door.

After eating the same breakfast buffet in the hotel for three days I started to feel bored.

Very surprised when I saw this. They're serving 100% fresh honey in the cafe for breakfast.

They were having the Germany October Fest in the hotel.

In Egypt you could see people are selling things on a traffic jam road. And the traffic in Cairo is terrible.

Went to this place to have lunch. It was a very luxury place and normally egyptians can afford to go.

This was my lunch. You'd think I'm very cruel to have pigeons as lunch but it was their traditional dish.

It was very beautiful inside the restaurant. Of course I couldn't miss the chance to pose a bit...hehe

This is the front view of Cairo Egyptian Museum. The tour guide said it is one of the most important museums in the world. But too bad that they don't allow people to take pictures inside. I think it's a bit funny that the entrance ticket to the mummy rooms where you can only see a few dried dead bodies cost around RM66 while the entrance ticket to the whole museum only cost around RM26.

More coming up....

Rain

2006-09-11T21:01:00.000+08:00

It was the heaviest rain I've seen just now. The crashing and booming sounds produced by the thunders were so loud and made me felt so insecure. The heavier the rain the higher the possibilty of disaster could happen, I thought.

My little cousin knew how to seek for protection. She came and sat close to me. However, I was so desperate for a hug or a hand to hold at the same time yet there is no one. I can't remember my desperation has ever fulfilled before. I am alone every time it rains.

Sunday

2006-08-27T09:08:00.001+08:00

It’s Sunday but guess what? I rose at 7am. Working life has trained me to sleep early and wake up early. It should be a very healthy lifestyle but I wonder why pimples still growing on my face. *sob sob*

Watched Nacho Libre starring Jack Black yesterday with my college PLU friends. My comment is it was a stupid movie. I wasn’t expecting much from this movie before I watched it because I’ve seen its preview but I’m not sure why some of the people still could laugh so loud in the cinema.

Bought myself a polo tee and it cost RM79. Believe or not it was the most expensive top I’ve ever bought. Just received my first salary yesterday so thought of treating myself a little bit better. Dare not to buy anything else because I’m targeting Sony Ericsson K800i. Still a monochrome phone user here so must save money to change to this best camera phone in the market now. :oP

All over again

2006-08-12T22:26:00.000+08:00

(Ronan Keating)
Turn Down the light, Turn up the radio.
There's a fire in your eyes, and its keeping me warm
Hold on to me like it was yesterday,
When we both felt our spirits collide

(Kate Rusby)
I remember the moment, being struck down by lightning
Since the first time I saw your face, and you smiled
Come and lay down with me
Fill the space that's between us
Feel the magic that keeps love alive

This time, can be like the first time
Close your eyes and soon you'll be there
No man could ever guess what you're feeling
Turn a spark to a flame,
Make a wish, close your eyes, won't you start all over again.

(Ronan Keating)
Just like the first time you touched my skin,
All over again
I tasted heaven take be deaf again,
All over again

Your smile
Your touch,
Your taste,
It turns me on and on and on,
That I fall in love with you,
All over again

(Kate Rusby)
Come and step through the stars,
Take a ride though the universe.
As long as we're here, lets take this whole thing in

(Ronan Keating)
What I'm trying to say,
Is that you are so beautiful
Let me say it, all over again.

Coz this time can be like the first time,
Close your eyes, but you'll soon will be there
No man could ever guess what he's feeling,

Turn a spark to a flame,
Make a wish, close your eyes, won't you start all over again.

Just like the first time you touched my skin,
All over again
I tasted heaven take me there again,
All over again

Your smile,
Your touch,
Your taste,
It turns me on and on and on.
That I fall in love with you,
I keep falling in love, with you.
All over again

All over again
All over again.

I love this song very much because it's very touching. Do you still remember the feelings when you hold his hand, kiss his lips and hug him tight for the very first time until you didn't wish to let go and hope that the time could just freeze at that moment forever?

Honestly, I can't really recall all these feelings because it's been a little bit too long. Therefore I wish to try them all over again at once.

Talk like a straight

2006-08-12T06:47:00.000+08:00

Most of my close friends already knew I'm gay. Therefore it's been a while since I talked like a straight guy and discussing about gals with a straight guy.

Remember the new colleague I mentioned in my previous posts? He's now my lunch partner every day and sometimes we'll go home together after work. So we chat a lot and since he doesn't know my sexuality he always tells me about this "leng lui" that "leng lui". Of course I can't tell him I'm not interested in gals so I have to pretend that I like it and talk like a straight. It's kinda strange...

Btw, I was so bad luck today. I took the wrong bus again and cost me 2 hours plus to reach home. >.<"

KL Tower to KLCC

2006-07-31T20:25:00.000+08:00

HohOHo...I'm so happy today because my office finally came one new chinese male staff and he's CUTE! I'm no longer the KL Tower in the department already. Now we became the KLCC because we're same tall...LoLz...

I was already very happy when I saw him but then when he introduced himself during the after work briefing I was more excited because he's from Kepong also. So I went to invite him to go back together with him. So 'xing fu'...haha

But then from one incident I got to know that he's straight...what a bad news hor? When we were walking to the KTM that's one uncle went after him then looked at this cutie's pants. Very strange behaviour. After that the cutie said too bad it wasn't a girl who did that. So obviously, I have no chance already.

Don't know I suddenly felt to lively because of his presence. I was so excited to talk about this with my friend over the phone just now until I got into the wrong bus. >.<" At the end had to call my uncle to fetch me.

Btw, he's 24 already but yet he looked younger than me. Very baby face.

Where and how?

2006-07-29T22:26:00.000+08:00

Few days ago when I was in my friend's car he told me not to be so choosy when looking for someone. I didn't know how to reply him so I just asked him: am I choosy?.

I'm sure everyone has his own preference when it comes to finding the other half. I've been single for more than two years. In fact I only had one official relationship which I really did dating and it only lasted for one month. I did have some other relationships in these two years but they were online, long distance, or the period was too short to be declared as a relationship.

Don't know why I always feel that to start loving someone isn't that easy. May be it is because I still can feel how deeply I loved CK last time. When you already put that much of love into one person can you still do the same on another person next time?

Recently the loneliness keeps disturbing me at night once in a few days. I know I needed someone but I don't know where to find and how to start a relationship. You found someone you like in those online networks, you message him, after that you be friend with him. Then what? You can only see his face on his online profile so you won't know about his personality until you really meet him. After meeting him but you realise he's not the one you wanted then you keep looking again. I'm a bit tired of the process.

...but I know I can't give up.

Working - Day 3

2006-07-20T21:22:00.000+08:00

Today's lunch was lucky because of raining so we forced to eat at the canteen in the building itself. So I could choose to eat chinese economic rice but it's very expensive; RM4.50 for 2 vege and 1 meat. But at least better than eating spicy food la...hehe

Today's training was to learn how to call respective parties to verify customer's details. Call until my throat also became sore already. Usually I don't talk much so when I suddenly talk so much my throat will get sore very easily. So drink more water also no use. Hopefully I won't get located at the contact section after I finish training because I will get panic when people ask me questions that I don't know how to answer. >.<

Working - Day 2

2006-07-19T21:00:00.000+08:00

Today was better because no need to do sorting manually like yesterday. Today we learned how to input and and retrieve customer information from the net. At least can 'touch' the pc already....lol

Oh...yeah...saw a very cute guy from another department when I went to get my locker key. Don't know was it my lucky day today or not? My department's printer got problem so he came to my office and tried to settle the problem. So I guess he was from admin department. I just finished my training when he came so I couldn't help myself to keep staring at him. Luckily there are a few more people standing around that place so no one would notice what am I looking at...haha. He's just so adorable with those curly hair!

Another thing is today my head of department was talking over the phone so loud: you help me to find a man la. =.=" (chinese: 你帮我找个男人啦！) Hey! This is an open space office leh...May be because they're only two chinese male staff in the office (included me....how pathetic?).

Something I want to complain is the food. Most of my colleagues are Malays so when we go out for lunch we can only have halal food which are spicy and hot. This is really killing me. I can't eat spicy food!!! I can't even imagine the coming days. How can I deal with it???

Start working today

2006-07-18T22:09:00.000+08:00

Today is my first day of work. I was very nervous last night and couldn't fall asleep. However, when I stepped into the office this morning I already could feel that I don't belong here. It was an open space office where there is no cubicle. I guess the main purpose of this concept is to enable the superior to supervise all the staff. The staff have no chance to goldbrick. I didn't say I want to get laze during office hour but taking a very short break to recharge myself will also make me feel pressure under this working environment. Other than that, the work there is so routine. Although there have different stages in processing but eventually you will stuck in one stage that you're mastered with.

Compared to the previous sale job I really like the previous one very much because that one I could meet different people to talk about products which I love to. The current one all are fixed. I'll be working there as a robot without using my brain. Besides, this company is very cheeseparing which pay the lowest overtime allowance I have heard. A colleague of mine who joined together with me today was paid only RM900 per month as a clerk because she only has a diploma. They never even considered about her previous one and a half year job experience in the same field. The worst to hear is the previous company was paying RM50 more than the current one. How could this company reduce her salary range? My auntie said most of the Japanese companies are like that.

Turns out

2006-07-16T23:44:00.000+08:00

Turns out he didn't block me in the MSN because I'm can still see him online now but I'm not sure he got delete me from his list or not. Normally you can check whether one person has deleted you or not from the MSN options. Here's the tip. Go to Tools > Options > Privacy. Then right click any name under the allow list. If you can see the Delete item is selectable that means he/she has already deleted you. I was so embarassed once because somebody messaged me and asked why did I delete him from my list. Then I found out this tip from a internet forum.

Back to the story, I couldn't help myself and send him a message to say hi. Then I asked him want to come out or not because he's leaving back to Kuching tomorrow evening. But he replied he just came back and headache so don't want to come out.

End of the story.

The sign

2006-07-15T22:53:00.000+08:00

There is this guy called CK. If you have been following my blog since two years back you should know he’s one of my ex. In fact, he was the one I loved most among all the guys I have been together with. Because of my immaturity I had made a wonderful relationship became very complicated.

After we separated I would still think of him once a while especially when listening back to the songs we shared. It made me harder to get over him so I deleted all the contacts I have with him: MSN, Friendster and phone no. because talking to him will make me want to have him back once again.

When I discovered he has deleted and blocked me in MSN I had a kind of weird feeling. Sad? Or disappointed? May be it’s because although in my mind I always wanted to get over him but at the same time in my heart I’m always hoping we can get back together one day if we have fate.

May be this time is really the end and a sign for me to move on without him. :o)

Finally get recruited

2006-07-14T23:31:00.000+08:00

After two and a half month of desperate job seeking finally received a phone call this morning telling me that my second interview was successful and asking me to report to them next week.

Actually I had three interviews this week; two second interviews and one first interview. Another second interview was with an insurance company. The benefits and pay there also better than the current one but the office is further and it's an established company so it could be harder for me to climb up. So I've accepted this developing company so that I can learn more as a fresh graduate. The opportunities there are also greater than the insurance company. The head of department told me during the interview, it's possible for me to join the project management team later if I have performed well enough. This could be a very impressive item in my resume next time. :o)

So here I come, my NEW LIFE!

May be I'm amazed

2006-06-23T22:22:00.000+08:00

"all right, here's one you may well know
you may not know it and if you don't know it
I really don't know where you've been
so you should know the tune. here we go"

maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time
maybe I'm afraid of the way I'll leave you
baby I'm amazed at the way you fool me all the time
you hung me on a line
oh baby I'm amazed at the way I really need you

baby, I'm a man, oh baby
I'm a lonely man who's in the middle of something
that he doesn't really understand
baby, I'm a man, oh baby
you're the only woman that could ever help me
baby, won't you try to understand

baby, I'm a man, oh baby
I'm a lonely man who's in the middle of something
that he does not really understand, good God, hoo
baby, I'm a man, oh baby
you're the only one that could ever help me
baby, won't you try to understand

baby, I'm amazed at the way you're with me all the time
baby, I'm afraid of the way I'll leave ya'
baby, I'm amazed at the way you help me sing the song
you right me when I'm wrong
baby I'm amazed at the way I really need ya'

baby, I'm a man, oh baby
I'm a lonely man who's in the middle of something
that he does not really understand
baby, I'm a man, oh baby
you're the only woman that could ever help me

baby, won't you try to understand
there you go, heh
baby I'm amazed, the way I really need you
alright, just about warming up and getting into it right about here

这首歌的旋律和歌词都很奇妙，它让我想到一个问题，人会不会随着年龄的增长而变得不会像年轻时对爱情那么期待、付出更多和寻找浪漫？人会变得更理智、更现实。这会不会让爱情失去它原来的滋味呢？

All by myself

2006-06-07T15:50:00.000+08:00

When I was young
I never needed anyone
And making love was just for fun
Those days are gone
Livin' alone
I think of all the friends I've known
When I dial the telephone
Nobody's home

All by myself
Don't wanna be
All by myself
Anymore

Hard to be sure
Sometimes I feel so insecure
And loves so distant and obscure
Remains the cure

All by myself
Don't wanna be
All by myself
Anymore
All by myself
Don't wanna live
All by myself
Anymore

When I was young
I never needed anyone
Making love was just for fun
Those days are gone

All by myself
Don't wanna be
All by myself
Anymore
All by myself
Don't wanna live
Oh
Don't wanna live
By myself, by myself
Anymore
By myself
Anymore
Oh
All by myself
Don't wanna live
I never, never, never
Needed anyone

Was listening to this song when I was on my way back from an interview. Reminded me about one of the things I worried most.

When we grow older friends around us will be starting to get married and have their own family. For people like us who can't find a lifetime partner will have to live all by ourselves. When we get back at home every night the house is so empty and silent even though it's filled with funiture because there's something missing in our life.

This question always wandering in my mind. Do I really need a partner? If I do then how can I find one? I'm always not good enough for the people I like and at the same time the people who like me is always not good enough for me. It's not easy to have a relationship whereby you love each other very much. I let go a chance once and I'm not sure will I get another one or not.

It's true that I'm still young but how many years more do I have?

I'm not depressed but just having these unsolved questions.

I'm a loser

2006-05-23T01:21:00.000+08:00

Attended my interview at Marcus Evans today but I didn't perform well enough to be shortlisted for tomorrow's second interview. Missed such a great opportunity to work at one of the most reputated multinational companies. Don't know why I tend to act so tense when it comes to interviewing. *sigh*

I'm a loser.

Job hunting

2006-05-15T17:43:00.000+08:00

Started looking for jobs three weeks ago but still remain unemployed currently.

First interview: Customer Support Execute
It went pretty bad because I was having flu that time and I could hardly breath. The manager’s comment is I should speak loudly (which I couldn’t because of the flu) and should be more confident. Surprisingly, I still got offered for this position but I rejected it afterwards. The main reasons are the salary is below my expectation and I don’t think I could learn much from selling computer peripherals and become a support of it. The reason I applied for this job is I didn’t know it was a retail pc store until the manager informed me for the interview.

p/s: the manager dressed like a PLU coz his suit was so tight.

Second interview: Personal Financial Consultant
This was a scary one because I went through two sessions. Before the interview I already heard one of the candidates told his friends there will be three interviewers which made me so nervous. I felt quite relief when I knew I only had to interviewers: one young woman and one old man. I answered pretty well but when they asked me why should they hire me I got lost totally. Never really thought about answering this question before this. So I just told them I am hard-working and willing to learn. However, they told me that are not enough. Then when I told them I wish to be located at Kepong branch I was asked to wait for another interview with the Kepong branch manager. The second session didn’t go well because he asked me back the same questions in the first session which made me felt tense and he’s not as friendly as the young woman. So overall I think I won’t get this job although they told me to wait for the news in two weeks if successful.

p/s: the young woman actually offered another position in the support site but I worried they’re testing my decisiveness so I didn’t accept it. When I told my auntie about it then only I knew I made a wrong decision.

Third interview: Accountant Trainee
Tomorrow. I met some new friends in accounting line recently so I thought it’s not bad to work in the field. Asked my friend to help me forward my resume to the HR in his company but still no news yet so I called for this interview just now. The advertisement says they might sponsor for some candidates to take professional course which attracted my attention. However, the salary is my main concern now because I want to buy a car.

p/s: one friend of mine is so nice that he promised to call me tonight to give me some tips for the accounting interview.
p/p/s: I like him.

Conclusion:
Job hunting is not easy. Anybody wants to introduce jobs to me? :o)

Summary for the last weeks

2006-05-02T01:15:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since my last post. The main reason is there's no broadband at my home so I can't online 24/7 like I used to be. And this 56kbps dial up internet access doesn't really entertain me. Okay, let's do a summary for the past two weeks.

The day after my last paper I went to KLCC with my best friends in the college as a last gathering. We didn't go clubbing as planned because of some unanticipated issues. However, I accompanied the girls to do shopping all whole day. Before we went for shopping we had lunch at Secret Recipe. And I needed to tell you guys this the American Brownies in Secret Recipe is highly recommended. More over it was the cheapest desert there yet it tasted the best among other cakes.

Then I was so surprised because I met Kelvin there after our lunch. He was having meeting in KLCC. So after his meeting I left my friends for a while and walked with him and chatted. He has found a new boyfriend and been together for around six months but I was only informed in the conversation.

After that I joined my friends back and went to Genki Sushi for dinner. I was so surprised Annie suggested us to eat there because I had thought of eating sushi before she came. What a coincidence! Actually I did take some pictures during our one-day trip in KLCC but when I realised I'm using dial-up modem I think it's not a good idea anymore. It may take forever.

I fell sick one week after I came back home. And it's not fully recovered yet but better after I've seen the doctor. At least the medicine was so strong that seized my heavy flu after my first dose and few hours of sleep. CK sent me a surprise me during that time asking how was I. I struggled for few hours before I replied him telling him I was sick because I already told myself to stop contacting with him but eventually I thought it was no good to ignore someons's sms. Then he replied me: 'what disease...hehe'. I was so disappointed and regretted to reply him when I saw his reply. I thought he would at least send me some caring messages like how did I feel but oppositely he thought it was something to make fun of. So I replied him 'Good question'. After that I receive no more sms from him.

Been searching for some jobs online as well as in the newspapers. Then only I realised it's not an easy task. The real problem here is I don't really know I want to work as. Should I look for something more challenging like marketing or some work that related to my studies like banking and finance? And there is something really been disturbing me since my the end of my final exam. I was so worried that I will fail my last paper. I didn't have enough time to complete the questions which I knew how to do. I afraid the result will affect my job seeking significantly. So I've sent an email to my lecturer asking whether did I pass the paper or not because I can't possibly to suffer until July to get my results. Hopefully he will reply me by tomorrow.

Yeah. There is one thing very interesting. I dreamt of making love with a girl. Here is a note, there's no actions in that dream because I only remembered I was having pure sexual intercourse only. Don't try to imagine any hardcore scenes please. By the way, this was the very first time I had a dream like that. However, it didn't change my preference to liking boobs...haha.

Leaving P3-21

2006-04-19T12:33:00.000+08:00

That's my room no. in the hostel. I've been staying at my college's hostel for 2.5 years and I'm leaving it today by 2.30pm. So long...

Moody day before last paper

2006-04-16T00:35:00.000+08:00

Feeling so moody today. Many people already packed and went back to their hometown. The whole hostel became so empty and quiet which makes me feel lonely. I can't go back yet because I still have one paper on Monday which I have no mood to revise at all.

Monday after the last paper will go to KL for one whole day trip with my closest friends in the college. Will shop, eat, club and come back by Tuesday. Then will leave the college on Wednesday. There goes my entire studies life. *sad*

How did you feel when you were graduating?

Log's or Woman's?

2006-04-14T23:05:00.000+08:00

I just found a very funny blog and one of the latest posts made me confused....haha.

Then I came into The CLEO 50 Most Eligible Bachelors 2006. Frankly, not many lengzai inside but this one and this one caught my attention with their smiles. :oP

Craving for downloads

2006-04-14T21:41:00.000+08:00

I've been downloading movies and tv shows nonstop since last weekend because I'll be leaving college next Wednesday and there will not be any DC++ which allows me to download files at 1MB/sec (I experienced 7MB/sec. before). More over I don't have broadband at home although I intended to apply one (they replied me no more ports available in my area). Even if I had broadband it only can give me 100kb/sec. for max. A 700MB dvd rip movie might take a few days to finish downloading but it only takes less than 10 mins in my hostel.

So in order to prepare for my no-DCPlusPlus-life at home I've already burned out more than 20 pieces of dvd. Let say I didn't fully utilize each disc but only 4000mb each. 4000mb * 20 = 80000mb of movies, cartoons, and tv shows. And I'm still searching and downloading now.

Here is a list of my downloads:

CSI Las Vegas (Season 1-6)
CSI Miami (Season 4)
Friends (6 Seasons)
Tom & Jerry (65 episodes)
IQ博士 (56 episodes)
The O.C. (Season 1-3)
The Simpsons (Season 14-16)
The Apprentice (Season 1-4)
Prison Break (Season 1)
Numb3rs (Season 1-2)
天外飞仙
冲上云霄
八大豪侠
神雕侠侣 (new)
Stargate Atlantis (Season 1&2)
Coupling (Season 1-4)
Weeds (Season 1)
And many other movies...

Too bad Zemien already went back home if not I can ask him to share out the remaining episodes of Grey's Anatomy Season 2.

Giant ant

2006-04-11T00:59:00.000+08:00

While revising for my final exam and browsing Axcest profiles at the same time I saw this giant ant in my room, so I decided to take some pictures of it. This is the largest ant I've ever seen. Can you imagine its size is bigger than a 50cent coin? However, no matter what it's just an ordinary ant......

ei....got 10cent woh....hey! I saw it first!!!

woi...woi...woi...this pose not nice lah...i looked like a cockroach...retake! retake!

let me delete all claus' p0rns....hohoho~

*yawns*.....next song please...can't you just give me some raps??!!

I scared of height~~~~ >.<"""

Tom & Jerry

2006-04-08T12:35:00.000+08:00

Downloaded 65 old episodes of Tom & Jerry cartoon from DC++. Sometimes it could be very relaxing and entertaining when watching back this kind of cartoon where we used to watch it every day when we're still very small. Unlike some TV shows that make you think the life is just too complicated (e.g. The O.C.).

Guy next door

2006-04-07T22:53:00.000+08:00

You see I moved back to 3rd floor this semester and I'm staying in the room of the guy I like two semesters ago. I was distressed because there isn't any cute guy left on this floor. The cute guy who was previously staying in this room already moved to single room that is why I got the chance to sleep on the bed he used to sleep on.

The room on my right is empty as the new apartment is opened next to the hostel, thus many students have been moving out. However, the room on my left is actually staying a fair skin and gentle-look guy (yeah, I admitted that I like him). But....I never even got a chance to see how his room's like. He's staying alone (don't know why he doesn't have a roommate, though I wish I could be his :oP) and he closes his door most of the time, unlike me who only closes my door when I sleep and do some you-know-what-i-mean business...lolz. I'm feeling pity because I'm leaving the college in less than two weeks. Have no more chance to get to know him already(wonder if I got the courage to say hi to him, given me one more semester in the college...haha).

Do not mess up friendship and love

2006-04-07T11:34:00.000+08:00

I know this feeling isn't right.

I knew this guy more than a year ago from a gay forum but recently only got chance to meet with. It's not easy to find someone to click with you so well. He likes to talk and knows how to talk and he's very detailed in explaining. That's where I found interesting of him and I wouldn't get bored when hanging out with him because I no need to do all the talking.

But then there is this strange feeling came. I just saw his post in the forum this morning saying that he just engaged in a light relationship (although I don't really understand what did he mean by 'light') then I have a feeling of losing him. Feeling of losing someone so clicked to hang with. I know it's weird to have that kind of feeling but actually after hanging with him for a few times I did feel that he's a bit sex-oriented type which is not my type. But why do I care about his relationship?

After lying on the bed for some time to think about this strange feeling I think I should be happy for him. Do not mess up friendship and love.

No more school assignment

2006-04-06T21:16:00.000+08:00

I've submitted my last college assignment today which was supposed to due yesterday but my classmates requested for an postpone. And today after the FIN410 class, FeiFei told me the lecturer extended again till tomorrow. +_+"

Final exam will be started next Wed until 17th April.

Miserable life?

2006-04-03T22:12:00.000+08:00

Is life really that miserable. If not why they're so many people feeling sad about it? They're about 60 people online on my MSN list now. Let me list down the negative nicks they're using:

多情的人注定伤得比较痛
FUCK STUPID MAXIS!!! I HATE MAXIS! I PAID FULL STILL BARRED MY LINE!!! GO TO HELL LA!!!
become more fat and fat lo!
My DSL Streamyx connection is still not fixed after a MONTH!
the river of no return
:( flu flu!!
Tmr VIVA.....die liao...!
life is tiring la..!!
Nobody knows who I really am, i never felt this empty before, and if i ever need someone to come along, who's gonna comfort and keep me strong?
Freaking TMnet!!! Freaking Lousy ISP!!! TL TL.
泛滥的眼泪，没有价值 - 随心之所行。。。我却无法从心
如果可以的话，你们杀了我吧。。。
没有脸的人。。。
my hair so short liao....so UGLY!!! - stupid skirt!!!!

Sometimes, I do wonder why some of these friends of mine look 'okay' when hanging out with them but why they seemed to be not that happy from they MSN nick?

Need and Want

2006-04-01T22:36:00.000+08:00

When you need me but don't want me,
I will stay.

When you want me but don't need me,
I will leave.

Quoted from Nanny McPhee.

22nd Birthday

2006-03-30T17:04:00.000+08:00

I'm officially 22 years old by yesterday.

When I was taking shower the day before my birthday, suddenly I felt that the time passed so fast because the same day last year I was buying a burger at cafeteria and Wenyi asked her boyfriend to call me and wish me happy birthday at 12am. It was like happened few days ago only.

I always thought that receiving gifts is better than receiving a cake on birthday because gifts you can keep forever but cake can't. But recently I suddenly felt pathetic because my friends never bought a cake and celebrate birthday for me. I did receive birthday presents but when I saw other people are having cakes for their birthday I started to think my birthdays were lacking of something; laughters and memories during this special occasion...

So I felt very happy because I had a cake for my birthday this year although I didn't receive any present. I took a lot of pictures because I didn't want to miss the chance to capture every moment of my first birthday celebration held by my best friends in the college but not myself. However, I missed some scenes to capture because of my lousy camera which drained the batteries faster than water. But nevermind lar...:P

Click me for photos

A delightful weekend

2006-03-26T23:12:00.000+08:00

So this weekend wasn't as bad as I expected.

It was an unusual day, starting from my way to Nilai ktm station. It was unlike other Friday's which I could only see Malays and girls. Cute guys kept coming up to the bus after I sat down and when I was on the ktm I didn't see as many Malays as I usually do, but a few cute guys were on the train instead. What a lucky day, and those cute guys have brightened my day...haha.

On Saturday noon I went to watch V for Vendetta with Alex so I didn't rot at my nothing-to-do house. The story of the movie was very unexpected because we all thought it was an ordinary action movie like The Matrix (same producer) from its poster. However, it was actually a very political movie which talks about government, homosexual, islamic, etc. This was something fresh that we never watched before. Recommended by ME! :oP

And then there's something wrong with my appetite. I eat non-stop these two days. Before the movie we went to a Chinese restaurant in 1 Utama to have our brunch. After the movie, 4 hours after our last meal, we felt hungry again so we went to a Taiwanese restaurant in Menjalara. I reached home about 7pm and I took a short nap. So when I woke up at 8pm I had my dinner. Around 10pm I went to Pasar Malam with my god brother and I bought some kuih to eat again. And can you believe what I had for my dinner today? Three Mcdonad's burgers, two chicken burger and one double cheese burger. Scary, right? >.<"

New Year Resolution

2006-03-25T01:45:00.000+08:00

I know it's very late to make a new year resolution especially when it's already March but I always made late resolution. Or may be I can just make it as my birthday resolution since it's coming very soon.

Guess many of you have heard or seen of this quote from BrokeBack Mountain:

I wish I knew how to quit you.

I was so silly that I messaged to ask HIM to come over my place again. This time he didn't come because he said he got plans tomorrow. I thought he would remember my birthday and at least come to accompany me for one night. Then only I realised I am no one of him, why should he? I'm not his boyfriend nor some best friend. This relationship has been dragging me for so long and it's really the time for me to quit him else my life can't go on without him. Yeah, QUIT HIM! Just like quitting cigarettes (p/s: I don't smoke)!

Other resolutions:

Do well in my final exam
Find a high pay job
Change my handphone (targeted SE K750i)
Buy a 2nd-hand car

That's all.

自慰与爱

2006-03-24T14:23:00.000+08:00

突然想起一个作者在电视节目上说过的一句话：

如果你自慰后还想着那个人，那么你是爱他的。

你觉得呢？

He's back to KL

2006-03-22T22:06:00.000+08:00

So HE's back to KL and I'm going back home this weekend. Just got to know it before dinner when he replied my afternoon sms asking how is he. He's back here until this Sunday and next week will be my birthday. Not sure he remembers or not and don't know is he going to ask me out before he goes back to Sarawak. But I think the chance for him to ask me out is very low because I was the one who asked him out first every time. He's too passive.

I really don't know why am I still so care about him. Already deleted everything related about him (email, sms, msn, phone no., pictures...) to forget my feelings about him. But I just can't stop thinking about him when I saw he online on my msn list so I deleted him again without blocking him because I just can't make myself to see his name.

Guess I'll have to find somebody to hang out with this weekend.

ETA: I was actually having a very good mood today. Lying on the bed after class, listened to the birds sang peacefully (this really what I did) but now.....

Last presentation in college

2006-03-20T16:36:00.000+08:00

So today is the last presentation in my college life. Above are my group members whom I hang out with every day. Don't ask me why only girls because I also don't know why. I wanted to hang out with guys too but it's just too late to fit into their groups already plus I'm not that sociable.

Time passed really fast and I'll be coming out to work soon. No more classes, no more sleeping until noon, no more group discussions, no more DC++ to download movies and musics in the college, and many many no more....But hey! There's a brand new lifestyle waiting for me outside this. :o)

Kids nowadays

2006-03-20T00:47:00.000+08:00

So what do you think? Lolz......

Do you need a cleaner?

2006-03-19T21:05:00.000+08:00

Are you too lazy to make your ass to clean your messy house/room? Ever thought of hiring a maid to help you? But why maid when you can have a hunk to do for you NAKED?

Click me to see how can the hunk help you. :P

Tagged

2006-03-18T20:36:00.000+08:00

Guess I'm being tagged by Kekex (in fact he's tagging everyone on his blogroll...haha) but it's good also at least I no need to think what to blog today :P.

4 Jobs I've Had In My Life

Tuition teacher (Computing & school subjects)
Sale Assistant (in Midvalley)
Management Trainee in an insurance company (basically try to propose insurance plan to coporate clients)
Shop Assistant (in a comic house where I could read tons of comics everyday.....haha)

4 Movies I Could Watch Over & Over

You've Got Mail
Moulin Rouge
A Beautiful Mind
Love Me If You Dare (Jeux O'Enfants) - I dare you to love me :P

4 TV Shows I Love(d) To Watch

4 Places Where I've Lived

Triang, Pahang
Brickfields, KL
Ampang, Selangor
Kepong, KL

4 Places I've Been On Vacation To

Langkawi
Penang
Malacca
Cameron Highlands

Never been to any places outside Malaysia, pathetic, rite?

4 Places I Would Rather Be

Europe
Japan
US
Australia

4 Of My Favourite Foods

Mango (can it be considered a food?)
Japanese food
Chocolates
Bat Kut Teh

4 Websites I Visit Daily

Axcest
Friendster
Blogs that updated
Webdesign related sites

4 Beautiful People Worth Tagging

Can I just tag anyone who's reading this like Kekex did? Because I really don't know who will reply my tag....hehe. So, you know who you are lar....faster reply my tag ya :P.

The O.C.

2006-03-17T21:31:00.000+08:00

Have heard of this TV drama from my ex-colleague when I was working during my semester break in December but never got chance to watch it because nobody was sharing its season one in the hostel and I didn't wanto skip to season three directly. I was so lucky to find someone who shared the whole 27 episodes of the season one (I watched till 11th).

So this drama is started from a 16 y/o boy (Ryan Atwood starring Benjamin McKenzie) who has stolen a car with his brother but got caught by the police. His brother went to jail and but Ben is lucky enough to have a kind lawyer who helped him to get through this because Ben is still under-aged. Ben's family is a mess, his father went to jail and his mother abandoned him after knowing what he did. Then Ben a adopted by this lawyer's family which is very rich.

One thing that makes me like this drama so much is it's like a reflection of my life. We're both raised from a single-parent family, we both have a messy mother. Our mothers sent us to some place else and both our guardians treat us very good and care about us. Of course I don't enjoy luxury toys like what Ben does in the drama but we're both lucky enough to have a second family where we can have a normal life.

Besides, Ben is the second reason I like this drama so much. Don't you think he's 'too' adorable? I think he looks like young Russell Crowe.

Lipton Ice Tea

2006-03-15T20:35:00.000+08:00

So what is so special with this Lipton Ice Tea? Did you see the words "perisa Mangga"? Yeah! This is a mango flavour ice tea which I haven't tasted before. I love mango very much, in fact it's my most favourite fruit. So when I saw this in the college's mini market when I went to tapao my 5.00pm lunch, immediately I wanted to buy it and try. However, I regretted of buying it because I can't taste any mango flavour at all, it tasted more like sour plum than anything else. >.<"

Ugly

2006-03-14T01:16:00.000+08:00

When I was 7
They said I was strange
I noticed that my eyes and hair weren't the same
I asked my parents if I was OK
They said you're more beautiful
And that's the way they show that they wish
They had your smile
So my confidence was up for a while
I got real comfortable with my own style
I knew that they were only jealous cos

People are all the same
And we only get judged by what we do
Personality reflects name
And if I'm ugly then
So are you
So are you

There was a time when I felt like I cared
That I was shorter than everyone there
People made me feel like life was unfair
And I did things that made me ashamed
Cos I didn't know my body would change
I grew taller than them in more ways
But there will always be the one who will say
Something bad to make them feel great

People are all the same
And we only get judged by what we do
Personality reflects name
And if I'm ugly then
So are you
So are you

People are all the same
And we only get judged by what we do
Personality reflects name
And if I'm ugly then
So are you
So are you

Everybody talks bad about somebody
And never realises how it affects somebody
And you bet it won't be forgotten
Envy is the only thing it could be

Cos people are all the same
(The same, the same)
And we only get judged by what we do
(What we do, yeah, yeah)
Personality reflects name
And if I'm ugly then
(Yeah, you)
So are you
So are you

People are all the same
(Oh, oh, oh)
And we only get judged by what we do
(What we do, yeah)
Personality reflects name
And if I'm ugly then
(Yeah, so are you)
So are you
So are you

If you really read through the lyrics of this song you may be will understand how those not-so-handsome or so-called ugly people feel when they're being teased about their looks when they're young.

I actually had the same experience when I was still very young. If you have seen my picture before (or you can scroll down to have a look) you will notice my eyes are not balance. People call it lazy eyes.

Of course we all know kids don't know much about caring others' feeling but being called as lazy-eyed when I was in primary school didn't make me feel that good. Besides, asking about people's imperfection sometimes isn't a way to show your care, at least this is true for me (but not everytime). I don't mind people ask me what caused my eyes became like that nor angry people but sometimes it did hurt me a bit when they reminded me about my imperfection.

I still remember when I was in highschool, lining up in front of the class with other classmates, preparing to have chorus speaking practice, one classmate of mine asked another classmate beside why my eyes are not parellel. I was so hurt that time and almost cry out but I hold my tears because I couldn't and didn't want to show people that I'm weak.

I had an eye surgery when I was very small, too small until I can't remember anything about the surgery. It was all because an infection after my left eye being biten by an ant (with wings). I guess it's because of the doctor didn't do the repairing work well after the operation and I used to blame the doctor. However, as I grew older I started to think I shouldn't blame the doctor because at least he saved my eye. I should feel lucky because I still have my sight with me.

I do somtimes feel lack of confidence when it comes to meeting new friends. I worried they will dislike me because of my eyes, as everyone knows in the PLU world who doesn't weigh by looks? I won't blame them because I do have my own preference too. However, I do surprised why they're still some people who liked me although this didn't give me enough reasons to be more confident about myself.

To comfort myself I sometimes do think that it's not a big deal if I couldn't find a lifetime partner because of my look. As long as I have friends who are willing to share and have fun with then it should be enough to compensate as we have no other options. :)

p/s: It's really a great song. You should download and listen.

Terrible transportation in Malaysia

2006-03-13T19:36:00.000+08:00

I went back home last Friday by taking KTM from Nilai to Kepong. Normally it would only take me one and a half hour to reach Kepong but guess what? That day it took me three hours!!! I could have reach Johore with that amount of time.

I still remember KTM raised its fares three years ago but how come I can't see any improvement until now? I admit they did do improvement in having more trains, from 30 mins per train to 15 mins per train. However, they're famous with their delays. so no use for them to increase the turnover because we still have to wait more than 15 mis and sometimes even more than 30 mins.

Besides the unreasonable delays you can always smell unpleasant odor inside the train. Can you imagine you have to sit inside a train with such a digusting smell for such a long time? Guess they never wash the cushion of the seats. Of course it's not all the company's fault but can't they just distribute a little bit more money to provide passengers a more comfortable transport?

And we discussed about this topic when I yumchar with my god bro and Alex on Saturday night. My god bro commented about the transportations in Malaysia is much more worse compared to Taiwan's. The interchange between two different transit companies is too troublesome because we need to walk out from one station then cross the road and go to another one's. In Taiwan, they built the transit stations all under one roof even though is different companies. Furthermore they don't have to buy different tickets and face the delays problem so often like we do.

I'm still satisfied with the services provided by Putra and STAR lrt but KTM's is just terrible. May be it is because the former two are running by the private but the latter is running by the government?

Flock

2006-03-07T23:10:00.000+08:00

Just discovered there is a new open-source web browser called Flock. It is highly recommended by some of the top tech bloggers. It is still under beta but I wanted to try its built-in blogging tool, so this is a post I writing from Flock....hehe.

Another thing to add on is I am actually thinking to transfer my blog to wordpress based. That means I will have to change my blog address again but I just can't resist to the category feature that wordpress is having. Further more their comment system seems to be more organized and it's very popular now. However, because it's php based which I don't any of the language so I will just use the template created by someone else [actually I already found the template I want].

It will take me some time to do that because I planned to archive the posts from all my old blogs into this. Hopefully I won't be too crazy about doing this until neglecting my studies for final semester.

technorati tags: Flock, Blogging, tool, Wordpress

Busiest week of the semester

2006-03-07T22:29:00.000+08:00

Just finished one test this afternoon and there's one assignment due tomorrow which I haven't even started to do. And then there's another test on this coming Friday. I guess this is the busiest week of this final semester already.

The scariest part is I'm doing all these last minute.

technorati tags: final semester, test, assignment

Gay Prevention Programs

2006-03-04T19:20:00.000+08:00

Can you believe they are actually having this kind of programs in America where all the parents are sitting together and listen to the 'ex-gay' what they can do to change their children's sexual orientation? I wonder when it will spread to Malaysia.

More

哭了两天

2006-03-04T16:30:00.000+08:00

不是因为发生了什么严重的事情，而是看了两部很感人的韩国电影。

第一部是《Windstruck》，或者叫野蛮师姐。这是一部非常非常感人的爱情故事，新年时电视曾经有播过。我现在看的是华文配音，韩文的会比较有feel。“答应我，当你想念我时，变成风回来看我”-- 女主角对已死去男朋友说。我不大会解说这部戏有多么的好看，但如果你看了一定会流泪。

第二部是《Love So Divine》，是讲一个神学院的学生，因为情不得已的爱上了一个女生，所以放弃了成为神父的机会。花了那么多年的努力，却肯为了爱情而放弃一切，又有多少人能做到呢？

So-called Dr.

2006-03-03T18:13:00.000+08:00

Just came back from my class and would like to comment about my first PhD holder lecturer.

Today he came in late as usual and class started half an hour late as usual too but the worse part is he spent first hour of the class to give us a wrong theory and then spent the remaining time of the class to correct it like nothing happened. Never even felt embarassed about it. This is not the first time he gave us wrong explanation. I wonder how could a PhD holder made so many mistakes and gave us wrong ideas. What he's teaching us will directly affect our understanding about the subject and some more I'm in final semester. The final exam papers are set by him and I wonder are the model answers for the papers correct.

I think the main problem is he's very lazy. We've been asking him to upload the notes for more than one week and the reason he always gave us is he's too busy. How could he be busy? He didn't even prepare for class. Today he's doing Excel sheet in the class which he's supposed to finish it before coming to class. Can you imagine he input the data one by one from the book and we just sat there and look at him.

The saddest thing is out of four final semester subjects he's teaching me two.

My mother called

2006-03-03T14:12:00.000+08:00

Just received two calls from her.

First call, she asked for my house no. to call my grandma.

Second call, she asked for my uncle's no. I guess most probably she couldn't get the no. from my grandma that's why she called me again. I didn't give her because she's trying to borrow money from my uncle.

You would be surprised if you knew she that's kind of person who doesn't have a job and loves gambling but still manage to survive for so long. Sometimes I also wonder how she did that but that's not something to be proud of.

You know when was my first time (and the only time) to hold a RM1000 banknote? It was when she asked me pay the money to a loan shark (my neighbour last time). It was very long time ago when I was still living her. She sent me to my uncle when I was in standard 5 and then I moved to stay with my auntie after primary school graduation. Rarely go back to visit her. Even this Chinese New Year I didn't go because she was the one who told us she wouldn't be around during CNY. However, in the middle of CNY she called and told me to asked my auntie to go and visit her because this year dog must give dragon ang pao. What an excuse.

I did sms her once to ask her when is she going to change but of course she didn't reply me. I guess she will never change because for years most of the time she call us it will somehow related to money matters.

By the way, she just asked me to top up phone for her.

How gay are you?

2006-03-01T23:38:00.000+08:00

Klein Sexual Orientation Grid

I scored an average of 4

Heterosexual

Bisexual

Homosexual

Meaning

This result can also be related to the Kinsey Scale:

0 = exclusively heterosexual
1 = predominantly heterosexual, incidentally homosexual
2 = predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3 = equally heterosexual and homosexual
4 = predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5 = predominantly homosexual, incidentally heterosexual
6 = exclusively homosexual

Summary

The idea of this excercise is to understand exactly how dynamic a person's sexual orientation can be, as well as how fluid it can be over a person's lifespan. While a person's number of actual homo/heterosexual encounters may be easy to categorize, their actual orientation may be completely different. Simple labels like "homosexual", "heterosexual", and "bisexual" need not be the only three options available to us.

Take the quiz

I only scored 4 for this test and I think it's considered low for a homosexual like me. Some one my gay friends did ask me before do I even look at girls when I walk on the street and I answered: No. I do no know how to appreciate their beauty (or boobs :oP) and females just couldn't turn me on I guess.

Let's take a test for yourself too. :o)

Petrol price up again

2006-02-28T00:04:00.000+08:00

KUALA LUMPUR, Feb 27 (Bernama) -- The retail price for petroleum products including diesel will be raised by another 30 sen effective Tuesday.

"The government has decided to raise the retail price of petrol and diesel by 30 sen per litre and the price of LPG by 30 sen per kilogram effective tomorrow (Tuesday)," said a statement from the Prime Minister's Office Monday night.

The increase was to tackle the impact from the increase in the price of crude petroleum in the world market and to curb the increase in subsidy which had to be borne by the government, the statement said.

However, the statement said that the government gave an assurance that there would be no further raise in the retail price of petroleum products this year.

The last time the government raised the retail price of petroleum products was on July 31, 2005 where the price of petrol went up by 10 sen per litre, diesel by 20 sen per litre and LPG by five sen per kilogram.

Although this is not an issue for me because I do not have a car but this news is being released so late (11:14PM just now) on Malaysian National New Agency.

Been having my license for nearly three years but never drive after I got it. I do not think I still remember how to drive now. So the only choice for me next time is an auto's one and it is more suitable for a lazy guy like me. :oP

New hair cut for presentation

2006-02-27T21:06:00.000+08:00

Just went to cut my hair yesterday because today I got a presentation. Actually I only wanted to trim a bit but the hair-stylist student (I went to a hair academy saloon) cut so long and my hair became shorter and shorter. Although it did not come out ugly but it will take me some time to keep it long again. >.<

Can you believe one of the classmates of mine actually cannot recognised me from my back because of my new hair cut and formal attire for the presentation. She asked Annie: who is this guy in front? Afterwards she said to me: Mike, when did you dyed your hair already ah? I actually had dyed my hair before Chinese New Year. +_+""""

I guess there is only one reason she cannot recognised me....I looked more handsome today...haha. My classmates actually did tell me I looked good when I wear tie and specially handsome today. I guess they sure think I looked messy during normal days because I do not even gel my hair when I attend classes. However, still feeling happy to hear that today...hehe.

Okay, now about my presentation this noon. I actually did not do well because I had wasted the whole weekend to search for icons and wallpapers to customized my windows. I only started to construct the presentation slides this morning. Did not even really read through what did I write in my assignment properly.

When I was presenting I knew I kept: err...er....er....but I just could not help it. And I had least eye contact with the audiences. However, luckily the contents of the presentation takes a large portion of the presentation marks. My contents were good enough because I put a lot of efforts in this assignment by reading through half years news to complete it although it was still a last minute work. Besides, I was able to answer the questions by my classmates (each of them were required to ask one question) and I think the lecturer was quite impressed for that.

Chariot - Gavin DeGraw

2006-02-27T00:55:00.000+08:00

staring at a maple leaf
leaning on the mother tree
i said to myself we all lost touch
your favorite fruit is chocolate covered cherries
and seedless watermelon ohhhh
nothing from the ground is good enough
body rised
it puts over me

oh chariot your golden waves
are walking down upon this face
oh chariot i’m singing out loud
to guide me
give me your….
strength

remember seeking moons rebirth
rains made mirrors of the earth
the sun was just yellow energy
it is a living promise land
even over fields of sand
seasons fill my mind and
cover me
from bringing back
more than a memory

you’ll be my vacation away from this place
you know what i want
holding that cup,
it’s pouring over the sides
make me wanna spread my arms and fly

Listening to this song makes me realised about something. I never knew what are the favourite food/fruits of all the guys I had ever been with. All the relationships just came too fast and gone too soon. Never had the chance to know each other deeper. Both parties were afraid something to lose before we started to learn.

May be we all think in the gay world you can easily hit on someone from the internet but how many long-lasting relationship have you really seen in this community. I'm not being pessimitic here because it is definitely not me. I'm just trying to tell people when you are feeling exhausted, do take some time to look back and learn from our mistakes. I am learning...

咻咻咻

2006-02-26T13:08:00.000+08:00

攝氏三十五度　我不再回顧

想你在他的懷裏　應該幸福

我該祝福　冷得我想哭　不能哭

傻到什麽程度　我心裏有數

最後一口啤酒無所謂　酸或苦

能笑著送你走　就滿足　很滿足

看著天上烏雲　滿滿　排山倒海　這夏季第一場雨　迎面而來

當結局不能改　我又何必躲開　沒什麽值得大驚小怪　就淋個痛快

聽風　咻咻咻　嘲笑我的愛

就像感情的備胎　只在旁邊喝采

你別問why why why　我一直都在

你有很好的未來　再痛我也說all right

當風　咻咻咻　送走我的愛

街邊路燈一整排　低著頭爲誰(無奈)默哀

是天在cry cry cry　我的笑還在

有天他不能依賴　你懷念我外套口袋

告訴我　我隨時stand by

Should I forget CK or just accept the fact....?

Loving You by Minnie Ripperton

2006-02-25T23:48:00.000+08:00

Loving you
Is easy because you're beautiful....
Making love with
you
Is all I want to do....
Loving you
Is more than just a dream
come true....
And everything that I do
Is out of loving you....

No one else can make me feel
The colors that you bring....
Stay
with me while we grow old....
And we will live each day in spring time....

Because loving you....
Has made my life so beautiful....
And
every day of my life
Is filled with loving you....
Loving you....
I
see your soul come shining through....
And everytime that we....
Oh I'm
more in love with you...

Listening back to this song reminding me about my ex, a 16 y/o kid who used to sing to me every time I slept over at his place. Of course he did not only sing one song but many others as well. I was so admired about his talent of singing and skill of remembering the those lyrics just after listening the songs for a few times. He did not know how to read chinese but he could sing chinese songs which amazed me.

Do not know why sometimes when he sang I could feel his warm tears were dropping down on my arm. The last time I felt his tears was the night I told him we needed to seperate...

Past memories

2006-02-22T15:48:00.000+08:00

Reading a post entry from another blog insipired me to blog this.

I have been blogging for a few years but frankly I never really read back what I had written. The last time I read them was the time I moved all my blog entries to a new host (but it's all gone now because of the 'free service') where I needed to screen through some sensitive names mentioned.

Actually most of the time when I blog is the time that I am not feeling okay. I have a habit. Every time when I feel sad or depressed I must find someone to talk to me while many others will try to keep it in their heart. Keeping things in heart makes me feel stress and stucked. Blogging is one of the ways I try to tell people my problem and if I am lucky I might receive some useful comments which help me to get through it.

Because of many unplesant entries in my blog it keeps me away from reading it back. I do not like to remember things especially memories that make me feel uncomfortable. Therefore, every time when I lost love to someone I will try my best to forget him rather than hating him or missing him silently. May be you can say it as a way of escape but who cares? As long as I can continue living my life then it should be fine. :o)

Do you read back your blog entries?

UK or not?

2006-02-21T16:34:00.000+08:00

I will be graduated soon (in April) and I'm going to miss the college life so much. And today Fei2 reminded me about a plan I used to think of what should I do after my graduation.

I was thinking to go to UK to work as a waiter or one year. This is an idea from a friend I got to know from TT. He was studying in UK and just came back to Malaysia. We talked about this last time while he was still in UK and called me to chat. He knew I had borrow a quite substantial amount from the bank as the study loan that is why he was telling me about that.

Due to the exchange rate difference (basically is the low Malaysian Ringgit value) I could earn more than a manager level in Malaysia. He told me the weekly wage for a fulltime waiter is about 200 pounds which is equal to RM 1,270.40 per week. Of course I need to consider about the living expenses there but it would still let me save the amount of money that I couldn't get it here. And if you were lucky you might be able to find a job that provides food and accomadation. Fei2's who's working there is getting 1000 pounds per month with free and a place to stay.

However, there some opportunity costs I needed to consider. If I'm going there alone I will feel very lonely because all my friends are here. How am I going to spend every night after working? There is almost no night life in UK, at least no more yumchar-ing. Besides, what if I couldn't find a job there? I would waste a few thoudsands Ringgit for the air tickets. And another issue is no internet access for me not until I have found a place to settle down. Will I be able to find a job after I come back to Malaysia since I have not touched anything relating to my field for so long but just working as a waiter.

Looking at the bright side. The friend of mine from TT is going back to UK to look for job in UK. So if I really want to go there I may be can stay at his place first while I'm hunting for job. If I really could finish one year there and when I come back here I would be able to at least clear my bank loan or buy my own car or even starting to buy a house. One of my lecturers told the class last week(I was absent that day), a friend of her were washing plates only in Japan for one year and able to buy a house when he/she was back here.

越想忘记你，却越想起你

2006-02-17T01:10:00.000+08:00

前几天在网上看到一个和你长得95%相似的男子，开始爱上了他的摄影日记。

忘了被爱的感觉

2006-02-16T13:51:00.000+08:00

好像很久没有谈恋爱了，
忘了被爱的感觉。

Happy Belated Valentine's Day

2006-02-15T01:22:00.000+08:00

Found these images last year and posted them up this year....haha.

Grey's Anatomy

2006-02-12T05:22:00.000+08:00

Great show! Just finished season 1 of 9 episodes and looking forward of season 2. The show makes me falling lin love with the tension working environment in the hospital and it is funny somtimes.

May be it is because my life is just so easy and relax now that makes me think that I am lifeless. Sometimes we just need to live our life with purposes and sad to say that I have not found one yet. Or can I say I am too lazy and unsustainable to fulfil my purposes?

Get a life man! (saying to myself)

PLU's msn conferencing

2006-02-11T14:20:00.000+08:00

David has a friend came to college to find him last night. We play UNO cards and "Chor Dai Di" until 1am something.

When I was watching movie after coming back don't know who added me in a msn chat room with 18 plu's inside. First time got so many plu's chatting together in msn. *surprised*. However, I didn't really fit inside because I was still continuing my movie (a very funny old movie)...haha.

If you like something

2006-02-10T15:10:00.000+08:00

If you like something, you should set it free.
If it comes back then it belongs to you.
If not, it is not yours.

Free Loop

2006-02-08T22:59:00.000+08:00

I´m a little used to calling outside your name
I wont see you tonight so I can keep from going insane
But I don´t know enough
I get some kinda lazy day
Hey now

I´ve been fabulous through to fight my town a name
I´ll be stooped tomorrow if I don´t leave as them both the same
But i dont know enough
I get some kinda lazy day
Hey now

Cos it´s hard for me to lose, in my life I´ve found only time will tell how to figure out
How we can, baby, how we can do a one night stand

Yeah ...

And it´s hard for me to lose in my life, I´ve found outside your skin right near the fire
How we can baby, how we can change and feel alright

I´m a little used to wondering outside the rain
You can leave me tomorrow if it suits you just the same
But I don´t know enough
I need someone who leaves the day
Hey .... yeah

Cos it´s hard for me to lose, in my life I´ve found only time will tell how to figure out
How we can, baby, how we can do a one night stand

Yeah ...

And its hard for me to lose in my life, I´ve found outside your skin right near the fire
How we can baby, how we can change and feel alright

Cos it´s hard for me to lose, in my life I´ve found only time will tell how to figure out
How we can, baby, how we can do a one night stand

Yeah ...

And it´s hard for me to lose in my life, I´ve found outside your skin right near the fire
How we can baby, how we can change and feel alright

Cos it´s hard for me to lose, in my life I´ve found only time will tell how to figure out
How we can, baby, how we can do a one night stand

Yeah ...

And it´s hard for me to lose in my life, I´ve found outside your skin right near the fire
How we can baby, how we can change and feel alright

Overslept

2006-02-08T13:22:00.000+08:00

Watch Brokeback Mountain until 5am last night and overslept today. Missed two classes....feeling guilty.

不听话的小孩

2006-02-04T03:43:00.000+08:00

突然间觉得自己是个不听话的小孩。
好像已经有好几个人叫我不要重蹈覆辙了，但因为寂寞，到最后还是冲个头过去。

事实证明他也只不过是另一个正在寻找Action/Sex的人。
为什么我遇到的人都是那样呢？
难道要找一段甜蜜的爱情真的那么难吗？

有时会埋怨自己为什么不能先性后爱。
因为不能，所以失去了恋爱机会。

韩剧后感

2006-02-03T00:17:00.000+08:00

“花成风飘过来”，答应我。

心中的悲伤不再是为了她，而是因为孤单的自己。
为什么我还是单身呢？
眼泪要流却流不下来。

“我感觉到你就在我身边”。

有时真的会很害怕去爱，害怕会爱错人。
爱错人的感觉是很辛苦的。
心口被压住的感觉，得不到释放。

几时才会被爱和去爱？

继续流浪，寻找我心中的缺口。。。

好想好想每晚都有一个让我抱着睡觉的人。
我的心很空虚。

败给自己

2006-01-30T23:57:00.000+08:00

曾经多么地喜欢你，可是去却因为自己的任性，放弃了你。
过后多次地再次喜欢上你，可是你却拒绝了我。
最近终于发掘你真的不再爱我了，至少永远都不可能回到从前那样。
决定永远地放弃你，因为你也让我重新认识自己，知道自己真正地需要些什么。
虽然这段时期会让我感到格外的寂寞，可是不管如何都要自己面对。

我曾想过，是不是我把你改变的。
从前的你好象过么的尊敬、享受爱情。
会不会是因为我的不负责任改变了你？
让自己感到很挫败，一手败给自己的所作所为。

Relieved

2006-01-24T04:30:00.000+08:00

Finally couldn't stand anymore and smsed him to find out the answer and his reply was 'I'm not looking for relationship yet'. Although it was an negative answer but I felt much more relieved because at least I won't stuck myself in the middle and keep thinking nonsense and may be neglected my studies.

Status: recovery in process...

爱情 = 数学题？

2006-01-24T02:42:00.000+08:00

你们会不会觉得有时爱情就像答数学题那样，当你得不到答案时，你就越会陷入问题的迷宫里，废尘忘食，直到你找到答案为止。

Strange behaviour

2006-01-24T01:45:00.000+08:00

Erm....Don't know why started to miss him so much again. That night when sleeping together and hugging each other I was just feeling very comfortable and happy because finally could hug him already after so 'long'.

The day after when I was taking KTM back to Nilai, I received a sms from my friend in the college. Asking me why I deleted my Axcest account. I asked him why. He replied me that's a cute guy we met at LQ during New Year eve wanted to know me. Suddenly, I received a missed call from this guy. Don't know why I'm not surprised or happy at all when hearing that somebody is interested in me. However, KK's image suddenly came into my mind. I don't understand that. Why when I heard that there's someone is interested in me but what I could only think was only KK?

I'm very confusing now. Loving someone is just so difficult. My heart is feeling the beats again and only one person can calm it down. I don't know what should I do. I don't know is he still loving me or not. He said he has already bought 7 tickets to come back KL for next 7 months. Would he spare the time to come and meet me when he's back each time? I don't know what to do because I just can't stop thinking about him. So I'm writing this entry to wait for his reponse.

Here is a song by Gareth Gates, there's is a phrase inside the lyrics -- 'If you wanna to know, I don't wanna let go'.

p/s: Didn't see him online whole day.......make me miss him more. :o(

Skies are dark
It's time for rain
Final call
You board the train
Heading for tomorrow

I wave goodbye to yesterdays
Wipe the tears, you hide your face
Blinded by the sorrow

How can I be smiling like before
When baby you don't love me anymore?
Say it isn't so
Tell me you're not leaving
Say you've changed your mind now,
That I am only dreaming,
That this is not goodbye,
This is starting over
Mmmmm....
If you wanna know
I don't wanna let go,
So say it isn't so

Ten to five at least we've tried
We're still alive but hope just died
As they close the door behind you
Whistle blows and tons of steel
Shake the ground beneath the wheels
As I wish I'd never found you, whoa...

How can I be smiling when you're gone
Will I be strong enough to carry on?

Say it isn't so
Tell me you're not leaving
Say you've changed your mind now,
That I am only dreaming,
That this is not goodbye,
This is starting over
Say I'm not wide awake
If you wanna know
I don't wanna let go,
So say it isn't so

Miles and miles to go,
Before I can say, before I can lay
My love for you to sleep
Oh darling oh
I've got miles and miles to go,
Before anyone will ever hear
Me laugh again.

Say it isn't so
Tell me you're not leaving
Say you've changed your mind now,
That I am only dreaming,
That this is not goodbye,
This is starting over
Say I'm not wide awake
If you wanna know
I don't wanna let go
So say it isn't so

Say you've changed your mind now,
That I am only dreaming,
That this is not goodbye,
This is starting over
Say I'm not wide awake
If you wanna know
I don't wanna let go
So say isn't so

If you wanna know
I don't wanna let go
So say it isn't so

Dying

2006-01-18T03:26:00.000+08:00

because of assignment >.<""""""

so stressful.....

Fei2's Birthday

2006-01-10T02:00:00.000+08:00

Today is Fei2’s birthday. To be accurate it was yesterday. Sometimes it is lucky to have female friends who are already attached because when you go out with them along with their boyfriends you will always get some goodies. We had a birthday dinner just now at the Arabic restaurant beside my hostel. I had ordered were lamb chop, chocolate milkshake and mashed potato. However, his boyfriend was the one who paid the bill for 10 persons at the end. Is it because guys will always pay for their girlfriend’s? I could not afford to do that at least for now.

I did not buy Fei2 any present because I had spent a lot last week until broke. I went to clubbing on the New Year eve which already cost me RM50 only for the entrance. And then also spent a lot on groceries like tooth brushes, water bottle, milo, biscuits, lent David RM30 and etc. In fact I have no money left except some coins inside my drawer by today. Luckily my auntie just banked in me some money to buy a new hard disk. So I can use that money to survive for another few days first until I got my paycheck bank in.

PMS

2006-01-08T02:01:00.000+08:00

Many of the hostel residents have gone back home for this weekend and some of them might not coming back for Monday's class because Tuesday is a public holiday. Because of this the hostel has become so quiet and silent and it makes me feel lonely. Besides that, do not know why these two days I have a quite strong feeling to hug and kiss somebody. May be it is because of PMS? haha....

I knew I must not get myself into any new relationship now because this is my last semester for my degree studies. I cannot afford to take the risk. Almost every semester since last March I have been having relationship failures. I had already failed one test because of it last semester.

Frustration with MSN

2006-01-06T02:03:00.000+08:00

Been clicking the Sign In button for hundreds of time but still I cannot get my MSN to be connected. This is the only tool that allows me to talk to someone while sitting alone in the room. However, it is not working for the whole day so I just spent my day on reading the Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Chinese version) and clicking here and there over the Opera browser. And then I decided to resurrect my blog and use back the old name - monohomo because I could not think of any better name for myself now. Hopefully this time will be a long-lived blog and will gain some old readers back.